Tuesday 8/15/2006 12:33:00 AM

I think it will always be like this. But then I always think that whatever the situation. A visionary I am not. I see what's right there. So right in our faces that most people don't notice. I see the details. The subtleties of the moment. All I have is the closeup.

Sometimes it's helpful. A lot of times it gives details you were better off not knowing.

Without the big picture. Without the foresight it's hard to imagine myself ever being different than I am right now.

I do change. I just never see it coming. No time to embrace it if it's good. No chance to stop it if it's not.

Lately the future seems more urgent. Like it's not as far away as it used to be. I squint and stare, but still can't focus. On what's out there. Or if anything is.

Normally this wouldn't matter, but lately it feels like there's something waiting for me to find it.

And I just can't get far enough away from myself to see it.

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