Monday 12/05/2005 11:41:00 PM

There were things I had intended to write. Notes taken. About influences. Both external and inherent.

I wrote, "Influences both humble and arrogant lurk in so many places we would never suspect they'd hide. Influences of the soul and yearnings of the heart. And even flesh sometimes betrays these frail skeletons that softly give it life."

Thought about how readily we change to accomodate those we wish would. And how the more we do the less respect they have for us.

We've always known. Always been warned Above all else, always be yourself. And never try to change anyone else.

It's good advice.

Change isn't something we can make. Like the snow that sometimes falls. It's just a random act.

And the people we love. Or try to at least. They're just lottery tickets. Odds are we'll never win.

I had wanted to be more cheerful. Because it's that time to be I guess. Colored lights and carefully selected gifts all wait for those who have someone on their list.

I had wanted to say don't change to accomodate anyone. Because the more you change for them the less reason they have to love who you really are.

If it could be, I'd make it so for everyone. But since it can't. I only hope time is more lenient on those that don't have.

I've so many wishes. But this oen the most. That life knew sometimes hwo hard it is on us.

Anonymous said...

I think this was a post for christmas.
All you guys coming from a christian tradition no matter how alcoholic (you) or butch lesbian (the writer jeanette winteron) yu are, get all teary-eyed and sentimental over christmas although you have nothing to do with the religion any more
I wonder, why?
I am an atheist, but was born a Muslim, so how come I don't get crazy about any Muslim holiday or tradition?
Two reasons:
1. Muslim holidays are not as exciting as christian holidays. (true)
2. I hate all religion and any kind of remnant of any religion down to my guts because I hate stupidity.

softermaniac said...

actually, i'm an atheist too. was raised that way. although when we were children we got gifts then just like the other kids.

when i was younger i used to ruminate and daydream on that christmas ideal of good cheer and hope and all that.

also, really like the music of trans-siberian orchestra, which is mostly christmas stuff.

so i guess, the memories and the music overcame me a bit.

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