Sunday 12/04/2005 11:32:00 PM

It's cold enough now. Cold enough outside so that it doesn't seem so cold within.

Harsh habits chap naked lives until they're raw. I never felt like an adult until I became an addict.

Winter always makes me envy the trees. How every autumn they shed each leaf. And all winter long they wear nothing at all. But still, come every spring, they always grow new ones in their place.

I'm no good at letting those leaves fall. Nor very adept at replenishing.

The colors may change. But the colors were never what I saw.

Life is what they were. Connected to me by the most slender of links. Growing mysteriously from of these dead branches.

I could blame the wind. Blame the seasons for severing us. But I know I just didn't hold them tight enough. Or that they chose to leave.

Anonymous said...

You seem to be in a lot of pain over a lost relationship. You are not suffering alone. If you do not mind me asking...were you married to him? I have just gone through a divorce (my choice), hurricane Katrina(I am in the New Orleans area) and now the lost love of my life (not my choice) who happens to be an alcoholic. Do you drink to mask the pain? I thouight of you while I was shopping yesterday. I do not really drink (but have my own vices) and considered getting some wine, to start to become what he is so maybe he could love me again. Guess I never dis or could have him. When will the pain end?

I know you do not have the answers. Just thanks for letting me stop by to talk and share in your world. Good luck to you...

Anonymous said...

never been married to anyone other than the words i write.

i started drinking because i wanted to be social. when that stopped working i guess i should've too, but i didn't. eh, it certainly feels better than being sober.

i hope you don't change yourself to suit him. i think we both know that only makes things worse.

thank you for sharing your story.

Anonymous said...

your writing is at stake now.
You are not writing as well. It's not as brilliant and as interesting. Maybe due to alcohol?

softermaniac said...


maybe it's true. i have no life anymore. so short on material.

though, 'i never felt like an adult until i became an addict.' sounds pretty good too me.

when you write as much as i do you're bound to write a lot of crap. and if you write enough, occasionally something is good.

so where can i read your words?

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