Sunday 5/04/2008 01:06:00 AM

That's how I learned how to add negatives. Bird cages neglected. Distilling the grin. That's how I counted. Backward from zero. Hours in deciding whom to believe. Or if I could believe anyone. Hearing them listen. The wool at the back of her neck itching to say words still unheard. Coughs of confession erupting in bleak bouts of skin. Not stretched far enough. To assume I could know.

What I never would.

The backdoor. In its rattles telling of guns not loaded. fake suicides threatening as the dress wore on her. Make me savage. Make me woman. With a sniff of the man. Until I am as high as any drug would be willing to take me. Until I can't remember why we started this barter.

Deaf gods listening in on conversations ready to jump. Three legged gods limping closer as I flirt with edge.

I'm not awake. I'm not asleep. I'm nowhere. I'm nothing.

I'm yours.

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