Monday 7/09/2007 12:09:00 AM

In cheap storms I could buy away for pennies. We sunk nevertheless. I just wanted to know him. Forever never occured to me. I've never worn a wedding gown. Not even in my dreams. I've never been pregnant. Not even in my wildest fantasies. I just wanted to be close to someone. I just wanted to feel him breathing as he slept. Cinch up tomorrow like a garbage bag and wait for the trashmen to come collect us.

Throw it all away as soon as we were done with it. Get rid of it before it began to rot.

Cold ledgers. Every kiss a mortgage. I couldn't afford him. Wasn't even close. I couldn't buy love. Nor borrow it. The only thing I could do was seduce it. Because love must be a man. As ugly as it is. As much as it flaunts wishes it can't grant.

Love has to be a man. And trust a woman. Because it never learns. Is always ready to be beaten again. For a new chance to be broken. Swimming in the children she's not had. Refusing to accuse her killers. Unwilling to admit she's dead.

I don't want to love him. But I always will. The more he hurts me the better I will.
In discounted sundays I could purchase by the dozen. I trusted.

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