Tuesday 10/17/2006 11:42:00 PM

The thing is he was a big part of my life for several years. Unfortunately I was only a small part of his.

The funny thing about people is that they say things because they think they're the right thing to say. They lie because sometimes it's the right thing to do.

But mostly they just lie because they don't want to lose.

But what most people don't realize is that they're the ones being lied to.

It's always someone else. Or at least that's what we tell ourselves.

The thing is the mountain was never a challenge. It was always just a waste of time. Climbing all that way. Getting to the top only to have down to look forward to.

The one thing I've never understood is connection. That necessity to stay together. Even when it hurts. I've done it, but never could figure out the appeal.

I think it's a better feeling to be broken than to heal. Since we're all conditioned to be victims. Especially women.

It's so much more comforting to be able to focus on what's causing us pain. Than it is to go out into the world and look for some unknown that won't.

Take away all the things that keep me here. Glued to the moon. I've always been on the sidelines Observing. More content with seeing how it's done. Than actually doing it.

I wasn't a good friend. I was just pages looking for someone to number them.

I was someone who had everything to lose.

We were watching some porn when suddenly it occured to me. The thing is I don't care why it hurt. Or how it managed to stop.

I only care if it'll ever hurt that much again.

4 comments:
Travis Jay Morgan said...

Great thoughts. I felt "It hurts so good." would be a good summary or title for this.

alcoholic poet said...

thanx travis.

and noone, sorry i had to remove your comment. don't want the old site associated with this one. but thanx for the nice thoughts.

Nick Zegarac said...

Potent and frail - at least bitterness is not in your lexicon. The old cliche about better to have loved and lost may not seem entirely true, but it is most certainly fitting.

desiree said...

I liked the phrase,"I was just pages looking for someone to number them".



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