Friday 6/16/2006 12:38:00 AM

No medicine. Only the disease calmly plotting the course of its roots. No saying goodbye. Only letting go. Night after night lapsing into reason.

There I was. Shadow in the mouth of the moat. And he told me what he saw. Child yanking the string where once the balloon had floated.

Can't we have the sand without having to build something there? Can't we just die a little bit. Instead of always having to see it end.

I count the miles as the treetops pass. Wondering how far there is to go. And then he finally stops the car and looks at me. And I don't know why I'm there. Or how I could ever belong.

It's not as though I have any place to be except anywhere else.

But I remember the dart of his eyes. Frightened chipmunks. The curdle in his voice as it soured at telling me what I wanted to hear.

I'd always intended to be stronger. Until I found out I wasn't.

By then, all I wanted was, to find out how well he could exploit those weaknesses.

Sometimes it's a luxury just to be hurt.

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