Sunday 7/09/2006 01:12:00 AM

Oh, it's a five beer phase. And I don't know how exactly it's different from the four kind other than mathematically. I still feel they're not there. Same as always. I still want to go back. Like nothing's changed. Even if everything has.

There's still a novel waiting to burst from my uterus. Like the child I'll never have. And I don't want sentences. Long, fruitless paragraphs. I want what I want. Something not the same.

Change the world. Not for the better. Not for the worse. Just show it, it still hasn't all been done. If it would only look.

She's younger than she feels. Older than she looks. Like all women are. Every word's as much a lie as it is a truth. Because we are. Or hoped to be. Each other's drug. Filling first the needle. And only after our veins swallowed the imagery. That emotion supersedes the narcotic we've let it become.

As hard as I try I can only remember what you told me then. That I was too lost to take advantage of.

I never knew I was lost until you pointed out how hard I had been to find.

I never thought rejection could be a compliment. Until I saw how much you'd risked just to say no to me again.

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