Saturday 6/24/2006 11:47:00 PM

There's not time enough to live and to write about it. We have to choose.

The Cheshire cat stole his grin from us while we waited for the beer to melt away our skins. We were only together when we were apart. Only ourselves when we couldn't see each other. Broken voices on crutches made of empty wishes.

I want to learn what it is to truly live. Not just write about it. But if I haven't by now.

It's not that I haven't tried. Just wasn't very good at it.

It used to seem we'd gone too far, but looking back it feels like we never left the start. I wanted to run, even though I knew I'd lose. I never wanted to win. Just wanted to be a part of the race. To know what they had that I did not.

Turn that porcelain into dishes. Change the channel on this darkness. Rewind to when I could still hear him breathing when I had nothing to say to him. Stiff little doll with plastic skin. Pink lips frozen in a smile so sold. While he stared . Waiting for teeth to show. Asking me to love him in spite of the choices he had made.

We were perfect strangers until your name slipped between my clothes.

There's nothing left to love except how hard it is to let them leave.

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