Thursday 6/29/2006 10:49:00 PM

I wondered if he knew how he looked when he was waiting. His eye revving. Guzzling down every speck of light there was in our darkness. Strange how I still felt the same though he had made me so different from myself. The magician's cape smothering his spell. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a rabbit. But it was a one time only deal.

He said I didn't appreciate, but mostly he was wrong. I adore the little things. And the big ones too. But truth gets between us. Tearing the dream out of my head. And the closer he got the better I could hear that velcro screaming as it separated.

It's always a lifetime, no matter how long it's been. Everything up to now the template for all that may come since.

He told me how I looked as I drank beer from the bottle at a bar poorly lit. How my lips hugged the glass in a cerebral blow job of sorts. He said there were two of me for every moment he was with. The one that wanted to be there and the one that didn't.

He was wrong.

There's just one who doesn't know who to trust.

The really drunk guy next to us made me feel better as I flirted with the concept of expectation.

How often it saves us then us only to kill us later.

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