Sunday 6/18/2006 11:30:00 PM

Bloated demons float downstream. Their colors so vivid against the contrast of the dark water. With careless acumen they go through the guest list.

Diligently preparing for am elaborate and spectacular downfall.

My hand trembles as I hold it out for them to stamp. To make certain I am able to get back into the party even after I've tried to leave.

Sometimes I ask myself what could they want. And I don't know except to hurt me. If they can. Like any arrow would want. But then I realize how useless that is when I already do this so well on my own.

Do they know like I do that it's getting worse? That it has to? Salvation is only to be found in defeat.

We lose each other in every touch. We're only found after all that pleasure is gone. Slipping back into those shriveled skins we had discarded when we started this useless process of trying to live.

I had so much strength until I tried to be a woman. Feel them. Touch them in ways a girl would not. What I hate most about all of it is remembering the chill of surrender as it would run its fingers through my hair. Causing a waterfall of fear down my back as futility I tried to swim against it.

Swollen suspenders bend your shoulder lower still until we are eye to eye again. Like how it looked when your life first spilled its latex all over the frail ridge I had cultivated in the colors.

I used to want to steal back the fruit. Unpeel those apples skins. But I cannot blame the snake for lies I decided were ample enough truth.

Scolding the verses because they're too kind. We're all burdened with the words, but the difference is I listen to mine. They tell me so many things I never wanted to know. About myself. About my choices.

I could turn you into a collar. Make this damaged tuxedo fit. But the party's almost over anyway.

When we finally know we're drowning there's nothing left to do except blame ourselves.

We only talk to each other because no one else will listen. I only hurt because it's the only feeling I've ever trusted.

I'd love you either way. Regardless of what you want. I'd lose to let you win. Even if it meant we couldn't be rivals ever again.

I've already lost you dozens of times to the pull of my kindness. How hard could it be to do it again?

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