May I

I guess that's it then. This is the fast track to forgetting. What good was I anyway. The tool in my belt always failing. The first song always crushing the last. So much loss.

I hate recovering. How plastic it makes me. How sober I have to be to realize nothing mattered to anyone but me.

I'd rather just stay like this. Feeble and consumed with innuendo. Fearing that it happened for one more day.

Gulping down the solitude a bottle at a time. How much better it tastes than when it was fed to me teaspoons at a time.

Their trembling hands losing my medicine. Cure and disease arriving in the same packages.

No sending back. After I've signed for it.

Just lay the viper on its back and kiss the fang.

There's never enough venom. It always disappoints.

And I'm her again.

Only uglier.

Because the alone she built is taking over.

Sometimes I want to tear it down.

But it's stronger than I am.

Or else I'm just weaker than it.

Looking out every window. Not understanding.

Why they won't open.