Sunday 5/28/2006 10:58:00 PM

I never had a reason to believe you. I just always did. Like I believe the light of the stars is real, though I know the ones that sent it to me are long dead. Like I believe in the words I type, though I know they prove nothing.

If it's a window I can understand it. The kiss of the glass as it chases my breathing. So hurried. With eyes like microscopes seeing the details, but never the image.

If it's pain I can grieve for it. Yours, mine or their. Sink into that dirty bath and feel safer because I've been below the surface. I believe in love only as it happens in my thoughts. The hummingbird standing still at a million miles an hour. To drink the flower.

Every t-shirt still fits so well. As I wear the fabric loose and lenient. They all want to win, but all I want is to watch. Cheer for them. Prove to these walls they are not all I see. Show the page I still know how to turn it.

Break the pencil and draw still. In color. In ink. Hearing the doorbell is more than enough. Delivery is irrelevant.

I don't want to receive. Only wanted to be accepted.

Leave the rabbits with all four feet. Leave the tortoises with their victories.

I never wanted to win. Just didn't want them to lose.

The lines were already there. All I did was follow them. Chasing unicorns I never believed were real. Punching the wind as if it could feel my fists.

Knowing it never would.

But it all seemed worthwhile. Because I had to know what you did.

The mechanical rabbit to my greyhound. It was quite a race we ran.

Round and round I go.

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