Saturday 3/18/2006 11:10:00 PM

I tried to picture him in his gold blazer.

I tried to see through my stupor. To no avail. I always see better when I'm lost. Unfortunately. Close your eyes. Hear so much more. Because one sense always detracts from the other. That's just how it is. When you think you're whole.

The jacket hanging on the door asking if.

Being this way always makes me want to make it moreso. Encourage the fever.

Thinking about them always makes me wonder what I did wrong. No one's ever failed me. I've always failed them In that way that weak hearts tend to stay on the same page. Because trying to change would be too strenuous.

I like being different. But I hate it. Always have. They know why the caged bird sings, but they can't explain.

Alone tells stories when I'm not listening. About how willing I was to be someone else. To accommodate them.

As if this haze wouldn't wean. As if this tablet wouldn't know what I'd written upon.

So small. Such tiny print. Afraid to be seen.

We wonder where they go. And when we finally find out we're sorry for them. Because I always thought they were better than me.

And now that they're not I don't know what to believe in anymore.

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