Monday 2/27/2006 10:38:00 PM

I wonder what he'll be now. Since he has to change again. I wonder will I know him when he's different. Will I recognize him. Will he remember me.

I think about how the wine tastes to him as he drinks it. The shape and the weight of the glass he uses. How different it is from the bottle my beer flows from. But whatever container you put it in. In whatever form you swallow it. Alone is still alone.

He's football and escargot. I'm peanut butter and hockey.

And we don't even talk anymore.

But his is the only face I can truly remember. The shape of. In the light. The silhouette in the darkness. The feel of his hair. How it felt to wrap it around my finger like a bow on a package.

How his beard felt just like velvet.

Together or apart. We'll always be alone.

All the wise cracks I made at his expense. They taste like candy canes now. And I wonder are they to him sweet or sour. Or nothing he can recall.

There's goodbye sometimes. So firm. The anvil as you mistakenly saunter off the cliff. There's goodbye. And oftentimes it's for the best. Just fall. Get it over with.

But sometimes, it's just I don't know what to do with you. It lingers. You put out the candle, but the scent stays a while. Or longer still. Because you still remember their face. Their hair. Their scent. You remember everything.

You try to lay the burden upon the words, but they keep putting it back on you.

We leave. But we don't go too far.

We leave it. But it's not behind us. We just don't talk about it anymore.

You can't tell me honestly anything I haven't already heard, but I still want to hear. The things I always imagined you'd say. The promises I'd always hoped you'd make.

I wonder how it feels to be the wine you drink. How it tastes to you. I wonder how the glass feels in your hand. If you hold it tight or let it wiggle.

We'll always be alone. No matter how close we dare. I know this. But I'll never understand it.

We live. In our separate worlds. Picket fences. Painted black.

And everything changes except the distance between you and I.


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