Wednesday 11/16/2005 12:03:00 AM

Been thinking a lot about McMarried lately. I wrecked that so good.

But then I'm not sure it was all me. I had issues it's true. But I never left him. He left me. I understand the reasons. That's all good. But then why come back only to leave again?

The things I said, you'd hear them before. They never made you leave until you had little to gain from staying.

That's who I am. Don't try to socialize with me sober. Especially when there are feelings involved. Not good feelings of loss.

I told him to call me back when I'd had enough beers and I honestly thought he would. Cause I meant what I said. I always have. I'm not much of a girl like that.

I can't do it sober. With him or anyone else. All that pretending life is good.

But after enough beers I miss them. The people and all the moments they spawned. And I can love them still without having to lose all over again everything that's already been lost.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for posting. It sounds all too familar. Been there, done that, got the beer-stained t-shirt. Hope your trail of breadcrumbs leads you home in time. Meantime, take care.

softermaniac said...

thanx. i appreciate it.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for posting.

Anonymous said...

What a great post. You put words to my own feelings. I am really enjoying your work. Thank you...

softermaniac said...

Anon 2 - Sorry to hear you're experiencing feelings similar to my own, but glad you're enjoying my efforts.

Take care.

Nmamfqimsh - You're welcome, I guess... I'm not really sure what your comment meant.

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to respond:
I have only recently admitted that I am an alcoholic/drug addict because of precisely what you said. I couldn't deal with people sober. Couldn't talk unless I was high. No one loves me when I'm sober, right? I'm more fun drunk. Then again, it got to the point that I didn't like me when I was drunk. Or high. I hate myself period. Just wanted you to know, been there done that.

softermaniac said...

OK. Gotcha.

Good Luck.

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