Wednesday 11/16/2005 12:03:00 AM

Been thinking a lot about McMarried lately. I wrecked that so good.

But then I'm not sure it was all me. I had issues it's true. But I never left him. He left me. I understand the reasons. That's all good. But then why come back only to leave again?

The things I said, you'd hear them before. They never made you leave until you had little to gain from staying.

That's who I am. Don't try to socialize with me sober. Especially when there are feelings involved. Not good feelings of loss.

I told him to call me back when I'd had enough beers and I honestly thought he would. Cause I meant what I said. I always have. I'm not much of a girl like that.

I can't do it sober. With him or anyone else. All that pretending life is good.

But after enough beers I miss them. The people and all the moments they spawned. And I can love them still without having to lose all over again everything that's already been lost.

7 comments:
Anonymous said...

Thanks for posting. It sounds all too familar. Been there, done that, got the beer-stained t-shirt. Hope your trail of breadcrumbs leads you home in time. Meantime, take care.

alcoholic poet said...

thanx. i appreciate it.

NMAMFQLMSH said...

Thanks for posting.
ICU,
JJ

Anonymous said...

What a great post. You put words to my own feelings. I am really enjoying your work. Thank you...

alcoholic poet said...

Anon 2 - Sorry to hear you're experiencing feelings similar to my own, but glad you're enjoying my efforts.

Take care.

Nmamfqimsh - You're welcome, I guess... I'm not really sure what your comment meant.

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to respond:
I have only recently admitted that I am an alcoholic/drug addict because of precisely what you said. I couldn't deal with people sober. Couldn't talk unless I was high. No one loves me when I'm sober, right? I'm more fun drunk. Then again, it got to the point that I didn't like me when I was drunk. Or high. I hate myself period. Just wanted you to know, been there done that.

alcoholic poet said...

OK. Gotcha.

Good Luck.



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