Tuesday 11/15/2005 11:25:00 PM

So I thought if I reached out a little. Sent a few friendly emails. Maybe he'd feel secure enough to get in touch again. Cause I honestly thought that was what was lacking. He'd been reading my other blog. Googling my many websties for references to his nickname. And I'd been cold that last time. I actually thought he cared and was just feeling rejected.

So I threw my hand down on the table, but he didn't call it.

No big surprise. It's not as though I haven't been mistaken before. But I really was hoping there was something real there. That I had been more than just a sounding board to him all those times in the past. More than just sex and web pages.

Yea, okay, maybe you are sensitive, but hey!!! So am I.

Maybe I hurt your feelings. I probably did. But mine have been hurt too. By you, on many occassions.

I made an effort. And this wasn't the first time. I'd have made more of an effort. Acutally made contact in real time, if it weren't for all those nagging insecurities telling me to him I am irrelevant.

The last thing I want to do is bother someone who's glad I'm gone. And with him, as with most everyone, it's always seemed gone is where they've always wanted me.

Hell, even I wish I was gone. That's why I drink.

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