Wednesday 10/12/2005 11:17:00 PM

Funny thing about alcohol, in the beginning it makes you all open and social. Takes a shy girl and gives her the power to engage and interact with other humans. It makes sex less awkward and unveils the humor in the most mundane of things. In a way, it awoke an innate hope that change is possible. That I didn't always have to be that quiet girl. The life that stood on the edge of the water while everyone else dove in. I guess that's why I liked it so much, so quickly. Because it took everything about me that was always trapped inside and opened the gates. It was a freedom I'd never known. If part of me was the cage and the other part locked inside it. Alcohol was they key that opened the door.

but sadly, it didn't last. It was good for a while. That me inside came out every night to bask in the glow of the moon. And the heat of all the people I could reach. I finally had the combination to that lock. I could come and go as I pleased. Except, eventually my savior turned on its disciple. At some point, I don't recall exactly when, something changed yet again.

Instead of opening that old lock it had created a new prison. And alone was more frequent, more of a necessity than ever.

I only wanted to be with it. No one else. Because only it could love me just how was. And it was all that I had left to love.

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